Getting Support For Your Child and You

 Getting support for your child and yourself

As I promised yesterday, this article is a follow-up from to give you hope and ideas dealing with children who have behavior problems.  Behavior modification strategies you can do.

As I said yesterday there are ways to deal with these behaviors ways to deal with these behaviors but you have to address the aggressive behaviors the same way every time.  No threats or promises just say what you mean and mean what you say.

First and foremost, you need to understand your child's aggression and problem behaviors.  There is always a way to deal with inappropriate behaviors.  Communication is probably the most important and most difficult task you will face.  Many times the aggression and poor behavior comes from frustration. It would be so much easier if they could just tell us what is wrong.  Most of the time they just can’t tell us what is going on.

Keep a log that you can refer back to when his aggressive behaviors begin.  In this log you need to document several things.

1.      Time of day when these behaviors will appear.

2.     What was going on just before the problems started?

3.     Did you do time-out and if so what had to be done and what was the outcome?

4.     How was the problem behavior addressed?

Just remember there is always a reason for these behaviors.  It will help you stay calm during the meltdowns and you can look back and see if there is any sort of pattern in regards to behavior. 

I have a huge list of strategies that work, not just for a little while these can be used at every stage of his life.

Most special needs children need the support of an adult to help them get through the different stages.

The most important step is to be consistent.  There is no better way to change the targeted behavior except to address each problem as it comes.  You treat all inappropriate behaviors the same.  They can’t determine when one thing is worse than another.  The bottom line is regardless of what the child does its still inappropriate.  They get frustrated when they can’t get their point across.

Now the good news, you can change the behaviors. You just need to stop what you’re doing because my guess is that you have been trying to deal with this on your own.  At this point it’s going to be very important that your child gets the services they are entitled such as counseling, support group and anything else to help the child be successful.

1.      Encourage them to use his words rather than pitch a fit. Teach appropriate behaviors.  You need to replace the problem behaviors with a behavior that is appropriate.
 

3.     Your response is very important when you are dealing with the problem. You need to do it without any emotion.  If he bites or any type of physical aggression you would say something like “There is no biting mommy.” And take him to timeout.  I know you’re thinking “There is no way he can bite me and I not say anything.”  Yes you can do the same.  It takes practice but you can do it.” Emotional responses are 1-not helpful and 2 he isn’t getting attention from you.
 

4.     The whole time a meltdown is going on your need to limit conversation.  There is no talking to him while he is in time-out no matter what he says.  Mine would always say he had to go to the bathroom.  I still wouldn’t answer or acknowledge what he says because it’s a tactic to get out of timeout.

5.     All behaviors have consequences.  Good and bad.  Some are natural and some are to change the behavior problems.
 

6.     If there any pattern to the behaviors? 

7.     You know your child.  If you notice he is struggling with something and getting frustrated you can hopefully stop the situation and redirect him.

8.     Model appropriate behaviors.  They need you to provide the support and to take over because as much as he wants to calm down he needs that authority figure to take the control and help him calm down.

Providing Immediate Consequences

1.      The “punishment meets the crime” isn’t how you deal with the problems of special needs kids.  The consequence care always the same regardless of what he did wrong.

2.     You need to have a plan.  Don’t make decisions during the meltdowns.

3.     Time out seems like a joke but it does work if you are always consistent.

4.     Time-out is a time that he needs in order to calm down.  Be consistent.  They get very confused when things change.  If throwing a toy got him time-out yesterday but when he did the same thing today nothing happened to him.  That can be very confusing.

5.     Children want to please their parents as well as anyone in an authority position.

6.     Because of his special needs he struggles to self-regulate.  He lacks the skills to control the behavior. 

7.     There are times that he keeps moving forward.  But there are times no matter what you do that its not working.  The reason for this is because it’s always worked for him in the past so he just keeps raising the bar in hopes that you will give in.

What you can do to head off a meltdown

1.      Catch him being good.  He needs all the positive reinforcement he can get.

2.     Use social stories to reinforce good choices and good behavior.

3.     Give lots of verbal praise when he complies with a task without fighting about doing it.

4.     Again, model behavior.  They are watching every move you make.

5.     Focus on the behaviors you want from him by praising him when he does something right or makes a good choice.

6.     Set up a reward system that focuses on rewards for appropriate behaviors.

7.     Immediate stop all positive reinforcement when he makes a bad decision.

8.     When all has settled down that is when you will teach appropriate behaviors.

a.     Speak with him about what happened.

b.    Reward him for his participation and appropriate behavior.

c.     Talk to him about other options he may have had. Acknowledge his frustration.  “I know you’re angry but I like how you handled that.”

If you start using positive reinforcement the use of punishment will drastically decrease.

Please share your stories in the comment section.  Are you dealing with the same types of problem behavior?   Give other parents some hope and ideas.  Each child is different so different things work for different children.