How Do Pre-school Teachers Manage Aggressive Behaviors

Before talking about how to manage aggressive behaviors let's talk about what behaviors are.

Behavior is one way a child can communicate with others.  All behavior, good and bad is how preschoolers communicate and let others know what they need.  When the child begins to demonstrate problem behaviors you need to be very proactive and address the problems before the behaviors get out of control.

One of the hardest things to do is figure out why your child is having problem behaviors.  The behaviors are a symptom not the answer.  Caregivers have to play detective in order to find out what is causing the aggression but most of the time they don't even know what the problems are, all they know is something is wrong in their world. 

 

So what do preschool teachers do to manage these behaviors?

1.        The first thing you can do is be sure the child is on a schedule.  Not only to make things easier for you but also to manage anxiety he is feeling.  Schedules provides the child the security of knowing what is going to happen each day at the same time.  He is not going to like it because he is used to being the boss in the house.

2.       When you start trying to get him under control his behaviors are going to drastically increase.  He is going to pitch fits, refuse to stay in his bed, throw things, scream and cry.   If he gets out of his bed silently put him back in his bed.  You don't need to explain it to him.  He knows he isn't to sleep in the parent's bed anymore.

3.       While you're working on the bedtime routine his behaviors are going to sky rocket.  He is going to hit, bite, kick and scream.  By the behavior getting worse proves that you are taking control back.  He isn't going to like it but if you don't get him under control before he gets bigger things aren't going to go well for him.

4.       As was mentioned earlier there is a reason for his aggressive behaviors.  You are going to need to be one step ahead of him at all times.  Have a plan ready so when you are in the middle of a battle you already know what steps you're going to take because you're going to want to throw your hands up and let him just do what he wants.  It becomes very overwhelming when you are in the middle of battle.

5.       Use time-out.  I know that it doesn't look like it's going to work but if you will follow the steps you will see a difference.  Here is an example: Your child hits someone on the playground.  Teacher goes over to him where he had just thrown sand into one of the little girl's eyes.  Hopefully as part of your plan you have scouted out a place for time-out.  When you get to him you simply tell him "there is no hitting" take him to the time-out chair and sit him down.  You say nothing else.  When he trips to get up and run you catch him and tell him, "There is no running from me." Take him back to the chair.  This may take a hundred times but be consistent and don't give into him.  When his time out is over give him a hug and make him tell the other child he is sorry.

So what do you think his motivation is?  He wanted it his way and you started making rules. The normal tactics you have used in the past aren't working so it makes him feel insecure.  What he doesn't know is you're going to keep this up.  This will work for home and school; you just have to train the staff.

Keep in mind that this is going to be an ongoing way of disciplining him.  Most likely he is going to start off with problem behaviors and when you do time out again he is going to increase the problem behavior.  Teachers and parents need to be prepared that he is going to pitch one giant fit when he realizes everyone is working together and he has to follow the rules.  Behaviors aren't going to change overnight but if you will keep doing as I am teaching you it will work.  It may take a month or two to see the full impact of changing those problem behaviors. Not to mention as he grows things are going to change and you are going to have to figure out once again what the problems are.

Could this be your child? Leave comments and questions.  I will be updating pretty often so keep checking back!  

Ungrateful Teens

Raising Ungrateful Teens

Teens are such a joy some days and others they are monsters.

Raising ungrateful teens isn't always what it looks like. Teens are wired different from anyone else. Sometimes they act like they are two years old, stomping their feet, slamming doors and just plain temper tantrum, then the next day they come in being sweet and helpful. It's such a confusing time for them as well as us parents. You never know who your dealing with. You almost want to ask them if you're dealing with the two year old or the teen. If your confused imagine how they are feeling, they are on hormone overload.

With that said, some teens are just plain ungrateful. How did that happen? They have a mentality entitlement attitude, it's just how they are wired. The hard part about all of this is while you are trying to raise well rounded children who can one day take responsibility you're fighting against society.  They are never told something they have done is wrong.  All they hear on TV, friends and media is how wrong parents are and how to escape responsibility.  They are taught they everything should be fair and they should never be told no. 

Parents are their child's first teachers so basically you participate in creating these monsters. Don't feel bad, you're just loving them and want them to have what you didn't. So why do you seem shocked when they act ungrateful? It's not just parents that indulge these kids, this Country is so focused on "being friends" and not parents they learn at an early age that they are not going to be told no, lose a sports game or failing a test.

Teens scream and yell and slam things just to get what they want and they want it now! So much of the time they know if they keep arguing with you they will wear you down and they know eventually they will get what they want. They use what works and it usually does. They know that. It takes two to fight if you take yourself out of the equation they have no one to fight with. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Parents tend to change the way they parent as the teen gets older. They want to be their child's best friend and that just doesn't work. Just because they are young adults should not stop you from parenting, in fact it should go into overdrive.

Teens seem to expect to have everything their friends have and they have no true sense of what things cost.

So many parents find themselves in this situation. They are well meaning and loving parents. It seems that if the parents had a hard time growing up that the parents would want what was best and being their friend isn't what is best. So much of the time teens are overindulge, therefore the monster have learned what works.  

You can change some of these behaviors.

1. Stop the power struggle.

2. Stop rewarding them for inappropriate behaviors.

3. When you say no you mean no. You can't change your mind.

4. Stay calm and refuse to argue with them.

5. Your child has some great qualities. Praise them and reward them for appropriate behaviors.

6. Don't try to buy their love, it doesn't work.

Your job has changed from when they were little. Now your job is to raise loving, responsible adults. Don't bail them out of everything they get themselves into. Your not helping them. Let them try to figure out their own problems, then if they need help guide them to the right answer don't do it for them.

Just remember this to will pass. You thought the terrible two's were hard. You haven't seen anything yet. Get control now.

Getting Support For Your Child and You

 Getting support for your child and yourself

As I promised yesterday, this article is a follow-up from to give you hope and ideas dealing with children who have behavior problems.  Behavior modification strategies you can do.

As I said yesterday there are ways to deal with these behaviors ways to deal with these behaviors but you have to address the aggressive behaviors the same way every time.  No threats or promises just say what you mean and mean what you say.

First and foremost, you need to understand your child's aggression and problem behaviors.  There is always a way to deal with inappropriate behaviors.  Communication is probably the most important and most difficult task you will face.  Many times the aggression and poor behavior comes from frustration. It would be so much easier if they could just tell us what is wrong.  Most of the time they just can’t tell us what is going on.

Keep a log that you can refer back to when his aggressive behaviors begin.  In this log you need to document several things.

1.      Time of day when these behaviors will appear.

2.     What was going on just before the problems started?

3.     Did you do time-out and if so what had to be done and what was the outcome?

4.     How was the problem behavior addressed?

Just remember there is always a reason for these behaviors.  It will help you stay calm during the meltdowns and you can look back and see if there is any sort of pattern in regards to behavior. 

I have a huge list of strategies that work, not just for a little while these can be used at every stage of his life.

Most special needs children need the support of an adult to help them get through the different stages.

The most important step is to be consistent.  There is no better way to change the targeted behavior except to address each problem as it comes.  You treat all inappropriate behaviors the same.  They can’t determine when one thing is worse than another.  The bottom line is regardless of what the child does its still inappropriate.  They get frustrated when they can’t get their point across.

Now the good news, you can change the behaviors. You just need to stop what you’re doing because my guess is that you have been trying to deal with this on your own.  At this point it’s going to be very important that your child gets the services they are entitled such as counseling, support group and anything else to help the child be successful.

1.      Encourage them to use his words rather than pitch a fit. Teach appropriate behaviors.  You need to replace the problem behaviors with a behavior that is appropriate.
 

3.     Your response is very important when you are dealing with the problem. You need to do it without any emotion.  If he bites or any type of physical aggression you would say something like “There is no biting mommy.” And take him to timeout.  I know you’re thinking “There is no way he can bite me and I not say anything.”  Yes you can do the same.  It takes practice but you can do it.” Emotional responses are 1-not helpful and 2 he isn’t getting attention from you.
 

4.     The whole time a meltdown is going on your need to limit conversation.  There is no talking to him while he is in time-out no matter what he says.  Mine would always say he had to go to the bathroom.  I still wouldn’t answer or acknowledge what he says because it’s a tactic to get out of timeout.

5.     All behaviors have consequences.  Good and bad.  Some are natural and some are to change the behavior problems.
 

6.     If there any pattern to the behaviors? 

7.     You know your child.  If you notice he is struggling with something and getting frustrated you can hopefully stop the situation and redirect him.

8.     Model appropriate behaviors.  They need you to provide the support and to take over because as much as he wants to calm down he needs that authority figure to take the control and help him calm down.

Providing Immediate Consequences

1.      The “punishment meets the crime” isn’t how you deal with the problems of special needs kids.  The consequence care always the same regardless of what he did wrong.

2.     You need to have a plan.  Don’t make decisions during the meltdowns.

3.     Time out seems like a joke but it does work if you are always consistent.

4.     Time-out is a time that he needs in order to calm down.  Be consistent.  They get very confused when things change.  If throwing a toy got him time-out yesterday but when he did the same thing today nothing happened to him.  That can be very confusing.

5.     Children want to please their parents as well as anyone in an authority position.

6.     Because of his special needs he struggles to self-regulate.  He lacks the skills to control the behavior. 

7.     There are times that he keeps moving forward.  But there are times no matter what you do that its not working.  The reason for this is because it’s always worked for him in the past so he just keeps raising the bar in hopes that you will give in.

What you can do to head off a meltdown

1.      Catch him being good.  He needs all the positive reinforcement he can get.

2.     Use social stories to reinforce good choices and good behavior.

3.     Give lots of verbal praise when he complies with a task without fighting about doing it.

4.     Again, model behavior.  They are watching every move you make.

5.     Focus on the behaviors you want from him by praising him when he does something right or makes a good choice.

6.     Set up a reward system that focuses on rewards for appropriate behaviors.

7.     Immediate stop all positive reinforcement when he makes a bad decision.

8.     When all has settled down that is when you will teach appropriate behaviors.

a.     Speak with him about what happened.

b.    Reward him for his participation and appropriate behavior.

c.     Talk to him about other options he may have had. Acknowledge his frustration.  “I know you’re angry but I like how you handled that.”

If you start using positive reinforcement the use of punishment will drastically decrease.

Please share your stories in the comment section.  Are you dealing with the same types of problem behavior?   Give other parents some hope and ideas.  Each child is different so different things work for different children. 

No Child Left Behind (NCLB)

The title of this law is a joke.  It should say  No Child Left Behind except for special education students.  

The public law, 107-110 states that the purpose of NCLB is to ensure that all children have a fair, equal and significant opportunity to obtain a high quality education. In theory children should reach, at a minimum proficiency and challenging state academy.  

Nationally there is a significant gap between the achievement test scores of children from low income families, racial differences, children with disabilities  and the "normal" children.  

The NCLB requires annual proficiency testing, research based reading program, highly qualified teachers, supplemental education services and public choice as well as parent involvement.  

The theory is that by the time a child is in the 3rd grade they will all be able to read on grade level.  All children are tested on grade level regardless of their capability. So basically if you have a child who is in the 6th grade but is reading on a second grade reading level there is no way the child is going to be able to pass a test that is on a sixth grade level.  Not only are they getting state tested on their grade level but their classwork has to be given in the grade level the child is attending.  This is where this law makes no sense.  If a chid with a disability can only read on a 2nd grade level but tested on 6th grade level they are being set up to fail.  To top it off the overall scores dictates how much Title one money they will receive.

The other part of the law states that if a Title one school fails to meet adequate yearly progress (AYP)  two years in a row you can move your child to another school in the district that does meet AYP.  If the school fails to meet AYP for three years the school must provide supplemental education services, provided supplemental education services including tutoring, after school programs and summer programs.  These services are free to parents however the problem is when dealing with special needs children that are years behind their grade level no amount of supplemental services are going to catch them up to grade level.  Not to mention special needs children are tired, overwhelmed and overstimulated by the end of the day.